Wonky Tooth Fairy (wishing I had money under my pillow)

It’s funny to me that here I am, writing for bite mag. The name feels slightly ironic. When I was little, I had such a huge overbite that I didn’t even realise jaws were supposed to touch. After years of braces, retainers, blood, sweat, tears – from my orthodontist looking at the state of these teeth – I am proud to announce that I now bite down hard, and my jaws finally meet. (Yes, dear reader, this is leading to a metaphor, but is also 100% true.) 

It was one of my exes who pointed out that after all that, I still have one wonky tooth. That revelation changed the way I smiled forever. I allowed someone to alter the way I outwardly display happiness. 

I will have to wear my retainer for life (exposé piece coming soon on what the NHS don’t want you to know). Each night I confront these plastic moulds for a smile that got ruined for me. When you bite down on the mould to create the retainer, that’s called making impressions. Impressions that reflect reality; maintain it. Impressions that aim to hold on to something that once was. I wear mine sporadically – when I can be arsed – clinging onto how my teeth were when I got my braces off and they were near perfect. 

Me now? I’m doing the opposite of clinging on. I have been single for two years, but still often think of romance. I take power in my independence, my friendships and knowing that I refuse to settle for people who make me overthink my overextended tooth! I’ve managed to not date and focus on my fall into love being internal. I have picked up hobbies, invested in my body through regular exercise and thinking about what I put inside it – multivitamins, cocktails and not other people. (Let’s amend my earlier bracketed statement as I’m now 80% truthful.)

I must admit, I class myself as a hopeless romantic. I tend to fall in love with the idea of forever more than people themselves. I’m so stuck on waiting to find that spark with someone. The instant kind of, “oh I know that they are the one”. I often blame myself for this, but it’s all around us – in film, music, literature. Even my friends tell me that they had this feeling with their partners.

It makes it hard not to wonder as soon as I meet someone with pretty eyes and a sense of humour. For me, first impressions can impact a whole week, build one small exchange into endless possibilities. With ex-posé, I’ll be updating you on my one-meeting moments, along with dating woes, triumphs, anecdotes. I’m a hopeless romantic commitmentphobe trying to date consciously without losing my independence and fun. Let’s remember, impressions aren’t reality. They’re merely creations from it. Both in teeth and in relationships. Jaws are supposed to touch; so join me as I try to digest all of these experiences. I hope you eat it up. 

For now, I leave you with a poem, a first meeting; a love bite, if you will.

Alexa play ‘Sparks’ by Coldplay, cover by Evan Jacobson.