Sienna Bentley
This was initially supposed to be a note to self, but *turns around Pedro Pascal-style* you should know this too.
As I have stated in previous articles, I get most of my writing done during my lunch hour at my 9-5 office job. That’s where I am sitting right now, in fact. Two double espressos under my belt and I’m feeling a bit sick, but that’s besides the point. My point is that it can be hard to feel like an artist when investing so much time and energy into a corporate career. I don’t feel like an artist when I’m sitting at my desk. I don’t feel like an artist when it’s been weeks or even months since I’ve created anything new.
I went to my school reunion on the weekend and it made me think, would my art teacher — who always believed in my abilities and pushed me to pursue it further — be disappointed to learn that I don’t paint much anymore? That I’m not an artist?
I’m having to internally yell at myself; just because I’m in a period of creative quiet, that doesn’t take away from the fact that that’s who I am at my core.
When somebody asks me, “what do you do?” I never say “oh, I’m an artist” because that’s not how I make money. I might go on to talk about bite mag (any opportunity I get, obvs), but it can often feel as though the emphasis is solely on one’s corporate identity – the rest of it is almost irrelevant. However, if someone asked me, “who are you?” No brainer. I’m an artist.
A stranger wanted to show me their artwork the other day to get my opinion on it because I’m “young and therefore know what’s cool” (they’d be right). I responded, “I’d be more than happy to, because I’m an artist.” As the words left my mouth, I felt like a liar. Why do we have to monetise something for it to become a legitimate part of our identity?
I just feel the need to emphasise that it’s totally fine for inspiration to ebb and flow. I find it hard to remind myself sometimes that even when I’m experiencing a creative lull or burnout, that doesn’t mean I’m suddenly not a creative anymore. But inspiration, ideas and motivation don’t strike on demand. And all that can be exhausting.
It feels silly to give advice when you struggle to take it yourself, but I just wanted to take this opportunity to urge anyone feeling anything similar to cut yourself some slack. Don’t force yourself to come up with new, bigger, better ideas – they will come. Your creativity isn’t going anywhere. You’re still an artist.
