Your favourite ex-girlfriend x

Putting the ex in Ex-posé, it’s me again. I originally wrote this piece while going through what you’re about to read. But then it went really rather badly, and I thought, “yup, can’t write that”. It’s for the best since I was going to give you some unhinged and possibly damaging advice. Instead, I’ve turned it into a timeline of the whole experience, of my ex, with whom I broke up almost three years ago and had no contact for over a year, getting back in touch with me. Enjoy (I didn’t)!!!

Six months ago

Since breaking up two years ago, I’ve essentially spent the entire time trying to get over my last boyfriend. Of course, I’ve had fun being single, but truly no one has compared to him (I get you Sinead O’Connor RIP x). 

I know I’ve romanticised him. He made me cry SO MUCH when we were together. He’d see exes and not tell me, talk to his ex’s sister every day (who he’d also pulled before) (he’d even Snapchat her while I was crying). He’d ditch me for his pals, constantly push against my boundaries and call me ridiculous when I’d share my feelings on any of these issues. 

But we bonded over theatre, we’d share music for hours. We’d compete intellectually over countless topics. We’d be keeled over laughing playing video games, introduce each other to our favourite films, places, foods, sports, families. Maybe it’s because he was my first love, but I’ve never opened my heart like that, let someone in like that. Let him know all parts of me, be completely myself; good and bad.

Four months ago

He texted me recently after all of that no contact. My heart screamed all of these happy memories. I was very controlled (for me); I didn’t reply instantly, I replied a few days later – and then we stayed up talking all night. It made me feel like I was justified in all of my feelings for him, and all the longing I’ve felt since. 

Three months ago

We have, of course, since slept together – surprise! I can’t say I regret it; seeing him again is like bathing in sunshine after a long winter. Seeing him again is like eating a good meal after a long walk, it’s like dancing to my favourite song. Maybe I shouldn’t be opening up old wounds, but I can safely say that this has proved to me that we should be broken up, but I was ever so justified in being in love with him. 

We continue talking weekly and arrange to meet up properly. 

One month ago

I fully got ready for our date (gays, gals and theys: everything shower, blowdry, nails, makeup, fit) and he texted me half an hour before to cancel. Here is the real exchange for your enjoyment: 

Him: Been thinking about the situation after our conversations last night and I think it’s best if we don’t do tonight and probably stop in general, just to save us both the hurt because I think it will end up getting messy and we’re on good terms atm xx v sorry to do this late have just come out of the last of the meetings

Me: Sorry if my joking yesterday made you think I wanted to date or had feelings, not the case. Just thought we were going to have a bit of fun 

Obviously I have got ready for tonight, understand if you don’t want to continue but would appreciate still seeing you and saying bye quickly.

Him: Ik you were but has just made me feel a bit weird about all this and feel like it’s better to not now rather than further down the line if ygm x

Yeah I am v sorry for the late notice, I’m already back in [INSERT RANDOM LOCATION WHERE WE WERE SUPPOSED TO MEET AND LITERALLY 30 MINUTES FROM MY HOUSE SO I DON’T UNDERSTAND] now so not sure how it would work

Me: What you have done to me, for 5 and a half years, is awful. Picking me up whenever you want me, deciding to drop me without considering how it affects me is so so cruel. I can’t understand it and quite frankly, I’m glad I can’t fathom being that unkind to someone. If you think we’re on good terms, you’re sorely mistaken. I’m going to block you on everything now and I hope to never ever bump into you.

Now

I proceeded to block him on everything. “Everything?” you ask. Let me list:

• Facebook;
• Twitter;
• Instagram;
• LinkedIn;
• Snapchat;
• phone number (pro tip: you have to block them on all of your devices that have your phone number, eg, iPads or Macs, otherwise the messages get sent there);
• WhatsApp (pro tip: you have to block on text and here, it isn’t automatic);
• Strava;
• Spotify (finally deleted all playlists we shared that I promised I’d never delete);
• I unfollowed all of his friends and family, and asked mine to unfollow him; and
• I even blocked his email address.

Respectfully, I popped off x 

I’d never before told my friends and family that that was it, but now it is. For some reason, the fact that he had re-entered my life after over a year of no contact to just use me for a shag was what finally did it. 

My ex would always leave me hanging, thinking there would be a chance for us to get back together, that he’d want me. Frankly, I was addicted. Addicted to the possibility of him, the possibility of thinking he might want me again. Obsessed with proving everyone wrong, having him finally appreciate me for who I am and how much I loved him. 

What sucks is I now realise that he is a cunt! I always thought it was me, something I’d done, that I wasn’t enough. The problem was him, a mean, unsatisfied person who would use me for an ego trip. 

Texting an ex can either open up old wounds, create new wounds or repair a longing that had lingered for years. You’ll do what is right for you, just know that you aren’t the problem, you’re wonderful and it won’t be like this forever.