Sienna Bentley
17:24 – Friday 17 October 2025
Today’s the day. I am sitting in a place where dreams are made: an airport Wetherspoons, at a table for one. My hand is shaking (just the one, oddly enough). Usually I’m here with friends, but today I’m having the “should I get chips?” debate with myself instead. I think chips to me are what ‘a drink to calm the nerves’ is to other people. Why prolong the inevitable?
I brought two pens with me for my journal, pink and red, forgetting that Koreans think that red ink is bad luck. I’m still in Heathrow Terminal 4, but I’m not taking any chances. I wonder if the pink pen will survive the next two weeks. I wonder if I will too. Figuratively speaking, of course.
I’m watching a girl – cool, blonde, leather jacket (whatever happened to ‘show don’t tell’?) – use chopsticks effortlessly. I already know I won’t pull it off with the same ease.
I just got ID’d for my second beer. I wonder if that’s the universe’s way of telling me to calm the fuck down. “You’re a 25-year-old fully fledged adult,” it reminds me. “The last time you flew internationally alone you weren’t legal in any sense of the word – and you were so much more relaxed.” Granted, that was to Spain, not the other side of the world.
The guy sitting in front of me is on his second beer too (he doesn’t have cheesy chips though, sucker). I wonder where he’s going. Wherever it is, he looks much more relaxed than I feel. I met a lovely couple on the tube on my way here – they’re off on a driving trip around Namibia. I hope one day I’m cool like that. He had piercing blue eyes and her a lovely soft Edinburgh accent.
At some point I’m going to have to get up and leave this (sacred) space and sort myself out. See you on the other side.
18:29 – Sunday 19 October 2025
When I saw photos of the hotel, I could picture myself sitting on the second-floor terrace, writing or sketching, and looking out onto the bustling and brightly lit street below. It is just how I imagined it. I brought my headphones, but I’m enjoying the punchy music from the restaurant opposite and hearing the general sounds of the city – entangled voices and laughter, the occasional engine, the ‘pop’ of the drain getting stepped on. This early evening is chillier than last night – though after travelling so far and navigating the warm underground, I’m surprised we felt any breeze at all.
Seeing Wonchan weave his way through the crowd at the arrivals gate made my heart ache. I feel so grateful and lucky – both for his friendship and for having it here. I was worried that I’d feel alone in such a big city.
People watching is one of my favourite activities. Especially when I’m observing from above, it makes me feel as though I’m invisible. Free to watch without being swept away or entangled in the throng. That’s the second time I have used the word ‘entangled’. I knew this would be my favourite spot, and it is.
I definitely needed today to rest and recover so I can make the most of tomorrow. We’ve made good progress already; I have ticked one box on my bucket list: have chicken and beer at the restaurant frequently featured on ‘Crash Landing On You’ (my favourite K-drama). When we walked along the Cheonggyecheon river (stream?), I added a new activity to the list: read a book at the open air library on the water’s edge. It was so peaceful. That is where I would like to exist. The city feels so safe, too. I really am worlds away from London.
I’m actually cold out here. I’m happy about this because it means I packed appropriately; for a while yesterday I thought I had seriously misjudged.
05:47 – Monday 20 October 2025
My ex didn’t like it when I would say this and I never really understood why because he was one of them and it was intended as a compliment (on top of being the truth), but my uni boys restored my faith in men. As a girl who has almost always been and/or felt unsafe in the presence of pretty much every man in her life (except my uncle – shout out Uncle Paul, you rock), it was a jarring but much-needed shift in experience and perspective. All seven of them have shown me kindness and safety in their own way, so foreign yet so welcome. I feel eternally grateful for that. When I spend time with them – whether in a group or one on one – I am hit with a wave of something mixed with nostalgia; I’m reminded that it was they who, I think inadvertently but necessarily, taught and continue to teach me that there are in fact good men out there. What a relief!
Perhaps I’m getting all soppy and reflective because it’s 5:30 in the morning, maybe this is what jet lag looks like on me, but I wanted to express my appreciation since it’s real and rushed to the surface immediately when I spotted Wonchan jogging over to me at the airport.
I don’t see the boys often anymore – I hadn’t seen Wonchan in over three years due to our being on different continents – but straight away it’s like being reunited with a piece of home when I do. For me, home is not a fixed place but a feeling: safety, familiarity, comfort.
As much as I love to shit on the university (I mean, there’s so much material) and in spite of everything that has happened since then, I do thank the stars for placing me with them and I will always be grateful for that experience, the rewards from which I am fortunate to continue to reap – even on the other side of the world.
