A Betrothed Woman

“Where’s she been? Where’d she go?” Me to my sanity while falling in love sorry xxx

Jokes, but like, maybe not?

Hello reader,

So, I’m having a borderline anxiety attack. I say borderline because I’m crying and feel panicked and can’t really breathe but I am able to compose myself in a moment yay xx

I am actually talking to someone. Now, it’s really early doors but I do feel as though it’s something I’d like to continue for at least a lil bit.  

The reason for my anxiety attack is the “what is this?” question. Now, after our date the other day, I thought, “ummmmm, wtf am I doing?” and spoke to one of my best friends. She indicated that me and this person have not yet spoken – at all – about what we want, and I’m literally just guessing off of vibes. 

I don’t want to overthink about the person I’ve been seeing; this has been such an organic, healthy, happy situation. I don’t want this to end, but at the same time, I’ve committed to intentional dating. 

So I kind of expressed my feelings and it went so well and that has never happened to me before and so now I’m crying. 

I’m crying for a fair few reasons. 

I’m crying because of how kind this man is. He is so lovely that it feels almost like something in me has been healed tonight. Even if this goes nowhere, it has been so nice to experience even if just for a night. I’m very aware how pathetic I sound but I can’t quite explain what it’s like to have loved someone with every inch of your soul and get a droplet of affection back.

I’m crying because has it always been a possibility for it to be this nice and easy? Like, no overthinking, no name calling, ridiculing, minimising? It’s making me so upset that this is my first adult experience of this, and that I had put myself through that because I’d thought I deserved it?

Honestly, maybe I’ll feel silly in a couple of months. But for now, I’m pretty happy to feel as though I’m maybe seeing someone. And the person who I’m maybe seeing is kind, fun, smart and HANDSOME XXX

Anyway, going to try and work on some deep breathing BYE!!!