Ray Leach
Didn’t head to Cannes Lions this year? Not to worry, I’m giving you a brief download of what your stomach can expect next year based on my week on the Croisette.
Accompanied by your very own Cannes playlist to suit this glorious sunshine we are still having back here in London.
Playlist: Solid Air
Nothing can prepare your body for the lack of routine it will experience in Cannes. Meal times are about as predictable as the tide. Water every day? If you’re lucky. Three solid meals? Are you m(ad)? Sure, we’re meant to be adults who can look after their own basic requirements. But in Cannes, this takes on a whole new meaning. Your new baseline of needs includes having adequate ice in your drinks, swimwear rather than underwear and the unspoken rule that there is no such thing as a disrespectable wake-up time. You can forget your regimented morning granola and the clockwork lunchtime meal deal. You’re in Cannes now. Time doesn’t hold the same structure, and appropriate drinking hours go out the window.
Although Cannes might ooze glam on the outside, it’s the organic moments that make it an experience to remember. So yes, while some may go home to their yacht each night, there is another shade to Cannes that we don’t see on company social posts. The reality of sandy hands and shoving something down before you head to yet another event. Forgetting to drink water or neglecting the idea altogether because spending €7 on something sensible just doesn’t sit well with you.
So without further ado, let me present to you the finest (most honest) Cannes menu that exists.
Half a pizza
To be served on a stoop upon the Croisette
One apricot
Option to add sea-salty hands
Four nigiri
Intended to line the stomach
About two chips
Distracted eating recommended
A nectarine
Slightly sandy
One tomato, half a baguette, cheese, crisps
Hotel room charcuterie
Poolside burger
Our most popular dish
All jokes aside, you must eat between drinks. Nobody wants to be sitting on the plane back to Gatwick Airport with head in hands because they cannot believe they pulled out that dance move at the pool party.
